"Worrisome"
     It's not a word I expected to read in a medical document. It's a little too vague and emotional for what we expect science to give us. But there it was, right in the middle of the pathology report (not the final one, yet, just the latest update). "Worrisome for glioblastoma... [final] profiling is still pending." And the dad-joker in me quickly responded, "Worri-SOME? I'm worrying a LOT right now!" And then the pastor in me quips back the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:27, "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"

     Ouch.

     I know that verse, and I'm sure you do, too. But how do we usually apply it in our lives? Worrying about paying the bills. Worrying about the funny noise the car just started making. Worrying about the kids doing well in school. Worrying about that project at work that isn't going well. Worrying about the weather for a special trip we're planning. And we rightly tell ourselves that worrying won't change anything. But how does Jesus apply it? He applies it directly to the issue of life and death. He applies it to the question of how many hours we have left to live.

    I'm worried about my final diagnosis, yes. Because that long-delayed bit of information will give us some idea how many years (or perhaps months) the medical community would expect me have left to live. But worrying about it isn't going to change anything. Worrying won't add a single year, month, day, or even hour to my life, only God can do that. So don't waste time and emotional energy worrying, because it won't change anything. Well, it will change something. And that's the problem. Jesus' point here is that worrying doesn't solve our problems. But as Scripture explains elsewhere, worrying does do something - it makes a new problem.

    Worry steals our attention from where it belongs. Look what Paul sets up to contrast with our worry in Philippians 4:4-7. "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice... do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." The act of worry is contrasted with the act of prayer and supplication. The attitude of worry in contrasted with an attitude of thanksgiving.  The outcome of worry is contrasted with the outcome of peace.

     When we worry, we operate on the assumption that a loving God is not in control of our circumstances, that we cannot trust the one who controls our circumstances. If God is truly in control and if God is loving and wise, then prayer should be our default setting when we think of the challenges ahead of us.  Only then will the peace of God guard our hearts.  Worry exposes our hearts to fear and leaves us vulnerable to despair.

     And when we worry, we are not thankful (I'll address gratitude more in my next post, because it's one of the big lessons I'm learning these days). The enemy of our souls would hide from our sight the blessings of today by putting before us the possible challenges of tomorrow. But for the sake of argument, lets just say that my worries are well-founded. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that my worst fears will be realized. Let's assume that the "worrisome" mutation in my tumor is the very thing we don't want it to be. What then?

     I'll tell you what then. Then I still have every reason to be filled with thanksgiving.  Then I will remember to rejoice even in my trials (James 1:2).   Then I will rejoice in the God who does not give us trials without giving us strength and grace to endure those trials (2 Corinthians 12:9). Then I will rejoice that God is with me always, even in the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4).  Then I will remember that God invites me to cast my cares and anxieties on him (Psalm 55:22) because he cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).  Then his peace will still guard my heart and mind, even if I don't understand it.

     When I worry, I allow my circustances to define God. When I pray with thanksgiving, I allow God to define my circumstances. I know which of those two mindsets I'd rather have, but it takes intentional effort to do it every day. Worrying comes naturally to us. Rejoicing in the middle of unclear, difficult situations is not natural. That's why Paul commands it in Philippians 4:4 - Rejoice! Always! Even when worry is trying to write the script, rejoice!